Integrating Family Systems Theory
An interview with David Bork, Ph.D.
by Raz Ingrasci, President
 For
25 years HQP graduate David Bork has been a leading pioneer in the
field of counseling family businesses. Integrating
Family Systems Theory with sound business practice, he has had
in-depth, long-term involvement with more than 325 families in business
and has assisted them in charting their way through every imaginable
family business situation. He is the author of Family
Business, Risky Business and has been featured in Fortune, The
Wall Street Journal, Money and Nation's Business. David is also a
member of the Hoffman Advisory Council.
Raz Ingrasci: You and your associates successfully
assist family-owned businesses to overcome dysfunctional family
behaviors that are being acted out in the business. The Aspen Family
Business Group now serves major international corporations and is
at the top of its field. How do you affect change?
David Bork: We face a broad spectrum of issues
that range from succession or transfer of control between the generations,
death of the founder, sale of the business, and the complexity of
dealing with wealth. Our focus is to build a comprehensive business
plan that accommodates the current and future needs of the owning
family. The "keys" to implement these plans are often
imbedded in the psychology of the family. The Hoffman Process is
one of the tools we use to help families let go of the negative
past and move forward in a constructive manner.
RI: Why do family patterns tend to show up in
our work life?
DB: Contrary to popular belief, our lives are
not compartmentalized into work, home, hobby, recreation, past and
present. Life is one large experience and we take all of our life
experiences with us wherever we go. We all have learned patterns
of interaction in our family of origin and we simply repeat them
in the next experience wherever it might be. We may not be aware
of doing it but it happens all the same.
RI: It seems then that all organizations inevitably
create the kinds of pressures on individuals that can spontaneously
regress people to the emotions and behaviors learned in childhood.
DB: Yes, that is true. We do regress to the emotions
and behaviors learned in childhood. There is a body of knowledge
called "Family Systems Theory," that speaks to this phenomena.
The family is a system; in the system there are rules for how one
functions and expresses one's self. We can and do learn other patterns
of functioning, but, under pressure or stress, we revert to the
pattern of our family of origin unless we learn how to circumvent
reverting to that original pattern.
RI: Organizations often have a dual nature. On
the one hand empowering us by being part of a larger body and on
the other hand stifling the very creativity we need to make those
larger contributions. What is a person to do?
DB: The sooner we learn that life is a series
of compromises and that nothing is perfect, the happier we are likely
to be in all parts of our lives. Many persons have a notion that
everything must be "perfect" and the only way they can
live is to have things "just so." In corporate life there
are "trade offs" and one must be clear about them. Learning
to negotiate and compromise is a basic life skill, often learned
in one1s family. One would hope that it is possible to negotiate
an acceptable work situation that is acceptable from an emotional,
creative and work content point of view. If not, the only sane thing
to do is to look for other employment where your creative talent
is valued and appreciated.
RI: In addition to financial security, what is
really at stake — emotionally and spiritually — for people
in their work lives?
DB: The answer to this question lies in the research
on motivation. The research tells us that people are motivated by
the following:
- Recognition — we all love to be acknowledged for the contributions
that we make.
- Input — Each person wants to be able to influence their
circumstances. It is when we are able to contribute and see the
results of our contributions that we feel happiest about our work.
- Intrinsically Interesting — our work must hold our attention.
When the work, by nature, is interesting, we all focus at a higher
level..
Corporate work life, indeed all work situations, should provide
these basics for it leads to a life of greater satisfaction. When
we have them, we have emotional and spiritual balance but without
them, life is pretty bleak.
RI: You and members of your family have participated
in the HQP. What did you derive personally and/or professionally
from that experience?
DB: The nature of my work has caused me to look
at many of my family of origin issues. The HQP was by far the best
thing of that genre that I have ever done for myself and my family.
Through The HQP I gained insights into my self, my family of origin,
my wife and children that I never got through education or traditional
therapeutic avenues. Because I was able to release myself from many
of my family of origin patterns, I feel I have a much better relationship
with family members, that I am more insightful and effective in
my work and have a greater sense of inner peace. Because of the
HQP I am more "comfortable in my own skin" than ever before
in my life. The Dark Side work in the HQP opened my eyes to aspects
about myself that, previously, I simply couldn1t or was unwilling
to examine. That piece alone was worth the time invested in the
Process.
The work I did through the Process made it possible to appropriately
grieve the death of my mother. I completed the Process prior to
her death and thus was free of the negative aspects of our relationship.
When she died I was able to celebrate her for all that she was and
not dwell on other aspects of our relationship.
RI: Over the years you have referred executives
to the Process. What does the Process have to offer these individuals?
DB: I think that the HQP offers executives an
avenue to personal growth and self insight that, once complete,
will make them more effective in their work, increase their sense
of satisfaction in all parts of their lives and help them to unhook
from the negative patterns of their lives. The HQP offers a structured
setting for doing this important work under the direction of a caring,
highly skilled professional staff. ø
|
