Families Helping Families
An interview with Ken Druck, Ph.D.
by Raz Ingrasci, President (Edited
by Shawn McAndrew)
 Three
years ago, a unique non-profit organization was formed to help grieving
families cope with what many consider "the worst loss,"
the death of a child. The
Jenna Druck Foundation was created as a tribute to the life and
spirit of Jenna Druck, a truly remarkable young woman who was killed
in a bus accident while studying abroad in India. Jenna's father,
noted psychologist and author, Ken Druck, Ph.D., now a Hoffman Institute
Advisory Council member, recently discussed
his mission of service to honor his beloved daughter. This is Ken's
story of how he came to start the Foundation's Families Helping Families
program and how the Process helped him piece his life back together.
In the past three years, Ken Druck and a small staff of Families
Helping Families volunteers have helped hundreds of grief-stricken
families in Southern California and across the nation, including
those impacted by the TWA crash, Littleton and Oklahoma City tragedies.
As Ken learned from his own nightmare, the resources available to
families in this darkest night of the soul are scarce and inadequate.
What began as a horrible tragedy for the Druck family has today
grown into a ground-breaking program that is working to assure that
no family need walk alone following the death of a child.
Raz Ingrasci: The whole nation was devastated
by the recent Littleton tragedy.
Ken Druck: Unfortunately, very few parents, siblings
and close friends will get the help they so desperately need. As
a society, we expect people to dust themselves off and run back
onto the playing field. We have a very limited understanding of
or respect for grief. The magnitude of losing a child is so huge,
the effects so devastating, the loss so irreversible. It is difficult
for most of us to imagine. Repeated reports from parents who have
lived this nightmare indicate that most clergy, therapists, family
and friends do not know how to help-and that they have gross misconceptions
about what is truly helpful.
It is all-too-rare that family members find a safe "container"
where there is no judgment and where helpers are 100% present to
face into the darkest issues. Working with you, Raz, and going through
the Hoffman Process provided me with such a container. I was fortunate.
The value of having gone through the Process inspired me to offer
healing intensives for bereaved parents.
RI: It has now been two years since you took the
Process. How has that experience been important to you personally?
KD: After Jenna died, I knew that I was in deep
trouble. Not the kind that involves an impasse or expected loss.
My daughter's sudden, violent death turned every cell in my being
inside out. It was like I was walking around without any skin. A
part of me died and the rest of me wasn't sure that I wanted to
go on. As you know, I was very skeptical at first and I called you.
After our phone conversation, I felt assured that I was in good
hands.
In my week at the Process, I went into the depth of my heartache
and despair, released my anger with God and began dealing with the
core issues presenting themselves in my new life. I also began creating
a spiritual roadmap. With your help, Raz, I learned a great deal
about slowly, patiently transforming my agony into something constructive
for my own life, my family and the world.
RI: I remember that you had a very powerful experience
on the "River of Life."
KD: During "The River of Life," I had
a profound vision. As I came to the end of the River, I was met
by my daughter. It was my time and I saw her hand reaching out to
me. This was one of the sacred moments that helped me regain hope.
It has served as a guidepost for me since then. After the Process,
I could hear my daughter saying, "Dad, use what you know and
are learning to help other families." This is what I have done.
She is my angel CEO.
RI: There is something about embracing the fact
of our impermanence that can allow us to enjoy life even more, rather
than having to pretend we are immortal.
KD: It's one thing to confront your own death.
It's another thing entirely to deal with your child's death - more
difficult, more painful. The challenge we face when we lose a child
is that we become a part of two worlds. Some part of us moves into
the eternal, returns to "forever," the place where we
were before we were here. The rest of us gets to stay here to finish
out this life, hopefully with a sense of high purpose and meaning
- as well as the awareness that those we love are truly precious.
I look forward with excitement to one day having my daughter's hand
reaching out to me at the end of "The River of Life."
RI: In the meantime I know that The Jenna Druck
Foundation is being called to Littleton and the cities where tragedy
has struck. It seems to me as these tragedies in our society mount,
much demand is being placed on you. Can you tell us about that and
how you are responding?
KD: We are inundated with requests for help from
new families every day. Situations like Littleton and Oklahoma City
make tragedies into national media events. They shock us into the
reality that dozens of beautiful children die in this country, often
violently, often by their own hand, every day. The unspeakable horror
and subsequent despair comes into full view — real faces and
real people.
Families Helping Families offers a variety of innovative programs.
In addition to our support groups for parents, we offer classes
and healing workshops for teens, young children, grandparents and
close friends. Our programs incorporate things like nutrition, art,
music, yoga, meditation and deep process work. We also started The
San Diego Bereavement Consortium. By forming a coalition of bereavement
services and programs consisting of over fifty organizations, we
are coordinating and improving services to area hospitals, schools,
the police department, hospices, clinics and the general public.
We are also teaching self-care to providers.
RI: What kind of help does the Jenna Druck Foundation
need to provide these services to families?
KD: As with many start-up non-profits, we are
three people doing the work of fifteen. We need money to hire more
staff and fully implement our programs. We need sponsors to underwrite
our services. More than one hundred thousand children die in the
U.S. alone each year. Every community needs a program that specializes
in supporting families through the grieving and healing process.
RI: So, what you need is for people to get involved, help you develop
resources, and to make financial contributions to the Jenna Druck
Foundation.
We are a relatively young Foundation that needs help in all areas,
especially financial.
RI: How can Hoffman graduates find out more about
how to contribute to Families Helping Families?
KD: First, continue to keep all the families in
your heart. If you are in a position to help or need our help, please
contact:
The Jenna Druck Foundation
3636 Fifth Avenue, Suite 201
San Diego, CA 92103
JDFound@aol.com
www.JennaDruck.org
(619) 294-8000
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