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As adults we act like frightened eight-year-olds, who would do almost anything to avoid pain, yet we resist help. As adults we do not have to withdraw or to pretend the pain does not exist, but Negative Love causes us to believe that we cannot deal with difficult tasks. We spend our lives avoiding the causes of the problems in our lives, afraid that facing our pain will hurt too much and hoping that it will somehow just disappear. By modeling that they were incapable of dealing with suffering, however, our parents mislead us. It’s not true. Negative Love programming can be "un-programmed", and our positive real self is always there. Due to their own childhood programming, our parents did not know how to nourish us, our perfect essence. Their own essences had not been nourished by their parents. They were never taught to honor, respect, and love themselves, so how could they give to us what they never had? Had they been able to honor themselves, they would have honored us, and we would have been nourished with love and nurtured with a strong sense of inner security. Ultimately, to be free of Negative Love, we must
When we are able to truly forgive our parents from the deepest levels of our being, experientially and emotionally as well as intellectually, then we can forgive ourselves. Forgiveness breaks our inner need and dependency on the parents of our childhood, allowing us to be free of compulsive negative behaviors, which use and abuse us. While the work of the Process does not eradicate a particular behavior, it eliminates the need to act out the behavior compulsively and automatically. We can then choose behavior that is appropriate for us in a given time and situation. And this is what we understand by transcendence: choice that is free from the constraints of our inherited patterns. When we come to love ourselves fully, we end the eternal negative chatter in our heads and find inner peace. The work of the Quadrinity Process can accomplish this, not just intellectually, but fully, in all of our being.
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