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By Hilary Illick

Hilary Illick

If you could choose anyone in the entire world to fall in love with you, whom would you choose? Seriously. Give it your consideration.

Out of everyone on the planet, whose love would be the most fulfilling? The most life changing? Whose approval, whose affection, whose benefit of the doubt, whose championing would make the biggest difference to you?

Out of anyone – yes, anyone – on the entire planet, yours would. In fact, it’s your love and approval and affection, your championing, your benefit of the doubt, your healing, your blessings that, above anyone else’s, you truly crave.

Here’s the deal. We think we need other people to love us, especially certain other people. We assign them the role of the person whose love we think we need in order to survive. We think our life depends on getting this love. Yet the person whose love we most deeply crave is our own. We’re the one we spend every minute with. We’re the one whose voice is piped into our heads every waking second. Even asleep, it’s our dreams we experience. Imagine your world and your life with love coming at you 24/7, from the inside. This is entirely possible. In fact, you already know what it’s like.

CupidsArrowIn your Process, you experienced self-love. You felt what its like to love who you are, and your whole world felt different. You may have looked in the mirror and been able to see the shift. You beheld the radiance, the love, the compassion shining back at you from your very own eyes. From the state of self-love, life changes. Colors appear more saturated. Food tastes more flavorful. Other people even seem different. Someone previously experienced as threatening may seem, from the state of self-love, more vulnerable, or in pain. Our capacity for compassion deepens. Our stress level lowers. Even traffic jams can seem less annoying.

You know how to attain this state. You do this by remembering who you really are – you are your Spiritual Self – and by remembering who you are not. You are not your patterns, not your Dark Side energy system. Self-love – establishing a healthy, loving relationship with your self – is a requirement for experiencing healthy love and intimacy with another. What goes on inside of you sets the tone for how you experience everyone and everything else.

Remember to give yourself the gift you so deeply crave – the gift of your own love. Take yourself on a date, or an adventure, something you’ve been hankering to do – whether or not someone else is available to do it with you; your company is enough. You are enough. Read the note you mailed yourself from the Process. Text yourself a reminder saying, “I am not my patterns.” Look into those eyes of yours and see your Spiritual self shining back. Hug your body. Tell yourself what you really need to hear, in words only you can say.

  • Andreas


    02/09/16 at 10:51 AM

    Thank u for this fabulous post. This message nails it…this IS the crux of the training. I never knew how much self loathing and shame I had until it was lifted. Once I was able to have unconditional self love, my entire world shifted. Now I’m able to love everybody and everything without condition, and that’s the key point. Attending Hoffman and shifting my own opinion of myself changed everything. Attending this workshop was clearly the most important work I’ve done in this lifetime. Thank you!

  • Chris Sansone


    02/08/16 at 7:29 PM


    Thank you for the clear reminder of how essential loving one’s self is to living life well. I especially appreciate what you said that, “What goes on inside of you sets the tone for how you experience everyone and everything else.” How very true that is!

    Lot’s of love and light to you.

  • Alice


    02/08/16 at 3:45 PM

    Thank you so much for this.

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