By Jason Beegle
Over the years I had seen multiple therapists and pursued various modes of self-help. I had intellectually dug myself out of the “victim role” hell that I had been hiding in for 35 years. Before my Process, I had fully accepted and come to terms with the fact that I was always going to exist as an emotionally unstable, self-loathing, hair-trigger personality; always ready to pounce on anyone or anything that made me feel threatened. I had figured out how to function on a high level in corporate America. I could be the façade that everyone wanted me to be.
Finding My Little Boy
What I didn’t realize was that, in my attempt to get out of the self-created prison of being a victim, I left behind my inner child. The delicate, beautiful, bright, powerful, and resilient essence of me was buried and left alone in that self-created prison cell. Hoffman gave me the gift of awareness and action – a set of tools that, if used, could provide life-long growth and awareness, providing freedom. This is a different kind of freedom though, one of depth and permanence, true freedom.
Finding Self-Compassion & Love
Awareness, self-love, and self-compassion have changed my world view, as well as my own self-perception. These tools have shown me the path out of the darkness, the way to truly be me. Hoffman taught me how to utilize them and connect with myself, first. It’s a connection that neither therapy nor any other path led to. This connection provides a way to truly know who I am and who I want to be, void of anyone else’s demands or expectations. It has been in this connection that I have been able to find true self-compassion and love, and to become fully integrated and consciously present in my life.
This self-compassion and love has allowed me to be aware of my human tendencies, see my patterns, and now change how I respond in the world. It has been the gift of self-love that has allowed me the space and freedom to be human and make mistakes.
I will be forever grateful to the Hoffman Process, my own willingness to change, and the love and compassion that I am able to experience today.
Jason Beegle leads the San Francisco graduate group. He lives in Novato, CA with his husband, Perry, and their dog, Jack. A full-time student, he is working on his B.A. in Psychology. He loves being outdoors and submerged in nature.
Please check out this bonus visualization, led by Hoffman teacher Steve Granville: https://www.hoffmaninstitute.org/fatherhood/
06/21/18 at 4:52 PM
Beautiful, Jason — just beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story!